Let's get UP!!!

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Ode to Jack La Lane, and Grandfather Ball

What an inspirational man Jack La Lane was. He got thousands, if not hundreds of thousands, of bon-bon munching, depressed, fat-ass housewives off said fat-asses, and got them up and moving, getting in shape and motivating them to make a better pot roast for their husbands to come home to. Of course this was back in the '50's and 60's before women had jobs, or the vote, or the vim and vigor to get out there and earn 70% of what a man makes in the working world. But by God, they did it, and a few years later they got the women's liberation movement, and Gloria Stienem helped them make a big stink about every little thing, and now we're all finally equal. All due to Jack La Lane, a man, and his in home exercise system to get the ladies moving.
     But I don't want to talk about the ladies, I want to talk about exercising, and getting my fat-ass in shape so I don't end up a feeble, brain addled nincompoop, if and when I get to be an old man. If I have to get old and fall apart, I'd like it to be a little less painful than if I was 80 Lbs. overweight with onset diabetes, emphysema and cirrhosis of the liver, 'cause that's what I was lookin' forward to the way I was livin' my life. Of course livin' like that, I would have been assured not to make it to any ripe old age. Now at least I've got the chance, and I'll take it if I can. I've had my wake up call, (a.k.a.,second chance) luckily, and now it's time to make good on it.
     This coming weekend I'll be doing my fitness assessment with a personal trainer down at the gym. He'll get me set up on a plan to work away the pounds of flesh that I've accumulated lo these many years, and especially these last few months since I quit smoking. I know it's going to be rough, but I feel I've already laid a pretty good foundation so far this past month. I've got a good routine going so far, and have even upped my speed walking to actual jogging. I've been sweating profusely. It feels good, but I just haven't seen any real results as of yet. I think I'm just keeping the weight gain at bay, not actually dropping the pounds yet. So I'm looking forward to getting a plan in place and stepping up the workout to a whole...new....level. That will be for the running and the cornucopia of machines that are offered up at the gym. When it comes to swimming, I don't think those trainers know their breast-stroke from a hole in the ground,(that's what she said), but that's ok, I swam in high school, so I think I can figure that one out. It's been going quite well so far. Swimmingly you might say. HA!  I'm at about 1400 yards per workout after one month. Not too bad, but I do know how to swim correctly. Swim correctly you ask? Yes indeed, swim correctly.
     There is a technique to swimming in an efficient manner that will get you through the water with an acceptable amount of effort, and yield you a great amount of physical good. It's still a bit of work, but it wouldn't be exercise if there wasn't now would there? You don't want to stay fat and lazy forever do you? I'm not going to go through all the minutia of movements to a good freestyle stroke, but I will give you the basics to get you started. First you need a bathing suit, something form fitting that will reduce the amount of drag as you move through the water. I myself use a standard Speedo that you see the Olympic swimmers wearing like that dope smokin' Phelps kid that won all the gold medals, even more than Mark Spitz. I believe that when you're working on getting in shape, vanity has no place in the conversation. I might look a little funny, but that's ok 'cause I'm there to work. Let it all hang out baby. Next a pair of goggles will do you a world of good. Not only do they keep the water out of your eyes, but you can see quite well under water which keeps you on the right track, and occasionally lets you peer at the ladies in the other lanes surreptitiously as you're moving along. Not that I would do that mind you. Now, that's all that I use when it comes to equipment. Some folks like to use the form fitting wax like earplugs, or the nose-plugs to keep the water out. That is, if you're a pussy. Nothin' like a little snort of pool water up the nose to let you know you're alive, and build some much needed character I say. This country, and this current generation is entirely too coddled when it comes to inconvenience and making an effort to succeed  in my humble opinion. But then again, what do I know? Swim caps are only acceptable if you have long hair, so chicks and long haired dudes may use them. If you've got short hair, and you're using a swim cap, then yer a fag. No I don't mean a gay fag, I just mean a fag as in, "What a fag.", or when you look at the guy at work that kisses way too much ass, then you're a fag. It has nothing to do with your sexual orientation.
      Since I've been swimming at the gym for the past month, I've seen some pretty interesting accessories that people are using to reach their full potential. For example: various sizes of flippers from two inches past the toes all the way up to scuba size monsters that look like they weigh a whole lot more than I'm willing to strap on to my twinklin' little toes. No sir. (I said "strap-on"!)  Then you've got the scuba mask, webbed gloves and of course the snorkel for our short-breathed friends, all adding to the drag of the swimmer. I don't want it to be any harder than it has to be. Swimming isn't hard in the sense of the technical movement through the water, it's just the constant-ness and sense of plodding along, working so hard to keep it moving that is the drag. Breathing differently, suckin' down gulps of pool water, reaching further, kicking harder, pushing, pushing. Slappin' something else on my body to slow me down intentionally is not what I'm lookin' for. I'm like a naked dolphin, sliding through the waves. That's a pretty faggy thing to say. I get flashbacks of high school swim practice with coach Parsons overseeing our nautical progress, guiding our aquatic acumen from his poolside small fold out table with practice schedules and other swim related literature. He was a quiet, short and bald man with hair on the sides and back,(what do you call that?), sporting a full mustache, wearing the requisite coaches polyester gym shorts and usually a white polo shirt, doling out his brand of small town folksy wisdom and common sense to the young men that were called "Lakers".  
     It's been a couple of days since I last wrote on here, so I have now had the fitness assessment, and the guy picked out a basic workout for me on a host of weight machines. I've got a file with my workout sheet that I follow until I'm comfortable, then find another machine to add to or replace with the program. I'm not used to lifting weights though. It's a whole new experience, and discipline for me. Mind you I'm not going for the muscle bound lifestyle in any sense. That just ain't my thing. I just want to have enough muscle power to play the things that I like to play. A little stamina wouldn't hurt as well. Not that I have a problem with stamina, I'm not saying that at all. But compared to the 25 year old me, I wear out faster than I used to. Such is life.    
     There you have it for this edition, don't forget to brush your teeth, and pay your bills on time. Speaking of which, nothing of import to report on that front. Working on it, is the official statement at this time.
  

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

"Drag me towards that new technology, and pry my cold dead fingers off my turntable, would you son?"

I just bought a new cell phone this week. It's quite a dandy. It's not a "smart" phone, but pretty intelligent nonetheless. It's an LG Octane. OK, first of all, the name of the company is LG, which stands for "Life's Good". That's right, Life's Good. When did we start naming our companies like this? I'm guessing it started when online companies like Yahoo and Google got big and made so much money it didn't matter what a company called itself. But those are internet companies. The internet is new and funky and exciting and weird. It's supposed to have strange sounding company names. But a phone company? It just doesn't seem right. I grew up in the monopolized world of Bell Telephone, and International Business Machines, back when a business's name meant something by God. It told you who they were, and sometimes what they did. None of this feel good, hippy-drippy, let's all be friends and get along nonsense. NO! This is business. Let's all be sensible then shall we. We've got money to make. Bottom lines to draw, and ledgers to balance. We have no time for your happy names, your silly monikers.
      But that's the way it is, like it or not. The only constant is change. Roll with the flow or get run over. I've decided to roll with it myself. I got my first cell phone only about 3 1/2 years ago. Just a phone, no internet applications or mp3 player or movie player. It worked well enough. I've kept up with the national trend of getting a new phone about every 18 months or so. One phone I had to get because I dropped the old one in the tub with my kids. Because my credit is so shitty, I couldn't really enter into a contract with a phone company again, so I ended up buying one of those pay as you go phones that you can pick up at Wal-Mart. It worked well, but I knew that I was paying an exorbitant amount on it. I didn't know exactly how much until the last couple of months since I've been tracking my spending and keeping a budget on a website called Mint.com. It's pretty kick-ass. Here's a link if you want to check it out:https://www.mint.com/. It lets you make a budget with just about any topic you can think of, you keep track of your bank accounts and credit cards, savings and investments. It links up with all of your money institutions and gets your info to organize, and put it in order for you. You can set financial goals, track all of your spending and split your expenditures as well if need be. You can also look at your spending trends as well. I'm really diggin' it. I digress. So......since I saw that I was spending way too much on my little phone, I decided it was time to find a new one that cut down dramatically on my monthly bill, and I thought I might just be able to enter a contract with a major carrier now that I had a couple of years of paying my bills on a mostly timely manner.  I ended up going with Verizon for a couple of reasons: for one, I get a 22% discount on it through my work, and two, I'm pretty sure I still owe AT&T $150 or so. Not much of a choice at all really. I was all hopped up at first to get the smart phone, but when I found out what my ex pays for her non-smart phone, and that you can't get one without internet, I decided on something a little less flashy, and less costly. It's still a helluva lot more than what I was using though. It's got a great camera, which I really wanted, and which also can record video. You can download all kinds of music onto it too, which I'm doing as I write. Only about 10 songs on the phones internal memory, but you can get as much memory as you want with a removable memory card, which is about the size, and thickness, of my thumbnail. It's all so very exciting. I ended up buying the memory card today, then went to the library to borrow as many CD's as I could, and am ripping them to my computer so that I may then copy them to the card to put into my phone. I'm like a kid in a candy store! Great, now the music companies will be after me for stealing their music from the library. You just can't catch a break around here. Sheesh!
     Texting is not my forte, but now that I have a phone that makes it grammatically easier, I am much more open to the idea of it. I flip the phone open lengthwise, and it's got a full sized keyboard with all the punctuations, a space bar and the number keys up top. Then it's got a screen and speakers on the inside as well, so I can listen to an album, or a podcast while I'm texting away. Or maybe not, I haven't actually tried doing both yet. But it still kicks ass!
     Technology is a great confusing tool that takes me a little time to get used to, but once I do, it's a piece of cake. How did we ever live our lives without cell phones? How could we survive without constantly being in touch?  What was wrong with us? I'm sure my children will ask me that someday. I just hope I can raise them so that they don't feel dependent on technology for their every need and whim. They just need to get their asses out of the barco lounger and get outside.
     That's all for now. Kinda tame I admit, but I'm just not feeling that controversial right now. It'll come  back. Remember to pay your bills on time, and  brush your teeth.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

"Get back up on the G.D. Horse!"

I guess two months is long enough of a hiatus from the blog. Not that I planned on being away this long. It just kind of happened. It was brought on by about a week of depression shortly after my last entry, when I learned that Google Adsense would not let me make money with them any longer due to the fact that I openly asked people to click on the ads on my blog. I was mistaken, and have acknowledged this to all of you, and to Google, whom I appealed to to get back in their good graces so I could make money again with Adsense. They are having none of it, and that is that. So I was depressed, which I got over within a week or so, after I took a trip to my friend Serena's house to visit for my birthday, and get away for a few days. That helped. As for why I didn't start back in to writing the blog when I returned home, I chalk up to lack of motivation, laziness, procrastination, and a general malaise of the soul. I just couldn't get it up.
     So now here I finally am, getting it up. I can't say that I've actually rid myself of the afflictions that have kept my fingers from the keyboard, but I've found through the years of being with myself, that when it comes to me and getting things done, the only way I'll do it, is if I just start doing it. It's the getting started part I seem to have the hardest time with. Once I get goin' I'm like a perpetual motion machine, I just keep chuggin' along. So let's talk, shall we? I'll get my coffee.
     Besides the usual work, hang with the kids and pay the bills, there have been a couple of new developments. At the beginning of March I joined the "Health and Wellness Center", (a.k.a. the gym), through work, It's been just over 6 months since I quit smoking, so I figured it's time to start trimming off the 25 or so pounds I acquired since I did. And to get myself into some sort of shape besides amorphous blob. I'm starting off slow and easy, as I want to keep this up for a long time, and don't want to give myself a heart attack the first couple of weeks in the gym. I start out stretching with some Yoga moves I learned in a class 15 years ago or so, then walk briskly on the treadmill for about 2 miles, usually accompanied by Spongebob, or whatever the History channel has to offer for the day. Then it's off to the rowing machine for 2000 meters, about 10 minutes, then over to various weight machines for some lightweight repetitions, always hitting the abdominal machine the longest. Someday soon I will again see my nether regions without leaning forward 45 degrees to get past the roundness of my gut. Finally I change into my brand new black Speedo's and hit the pool for about 1000 yards of swim/kick/pull, always stopping in front of the mirrors first to bask in my glory. I am Adonis! After the swim, I hop in the whirlpool for a few minutes and let the hot water jets work their magic on my complaining "muscles". Yeah, that's right, my lower back! Then hit the showers, weigh myself to see that I've once again lost 3 lbs. in water weight, get dressed and head on home to some sort of meal, and a little mindless television.
     The gym offers a fitness assessment with one of their personal trainers, which I have signed up for, and have only done one half of. I haven't yet done the whole thing, because I need to get the OK from my doctor to do the cardiac portion of the assessment. Which brings me to the other development in my life in the last couple of months. My first physical in almost 20 years. Scary stuff indeed, but it must be done. That is if I want to know just what's going on with my body. From a doctor's point of view, as opposed to my superstitious guesswork as to all the funky goings on inside the flesh. I like science. I think it's a good thing. I may be a spiritual person, and believe in the power of the mind to heal, but when push comes to shove, I want a doctor with proven science on my side. Surprisingly to me the physical went off without a hitch. No major problems to report. A little bit of a heart issue since my dad died of a heart attack, and my brother has some arythmia or flutterings or something goin' on with his ticker. I've got some kind of flutterings myself, so they've got me wearing a portable heart monitor for the next week which I need to record whenever I feel  it happening. She also put me on Crestor, which is a cholesterol medication to get that under control, and Fish oil, Niacin, and multi-vitamins to boot. Good God I'm gettin' old. "Where's my pill box Mildred? I left it next to the sink in the bathroom, damnit!" I took a stress test yesterday as well. That consists of walking on a treadmill, increasing speed and grade until they get your heart rate up near 100% of what your age range dictates, which for me is 177 BPM. I got up to 173 after 11 minutes. Not too bad. Everything was normal on that as well, as far as the nurse could tell. A cardiologist needs to give it the final go over. Back at the physical, I went over my laundry list of aches and pains and fears with the doctor which helped her get a more complete picture of my sorry state of affairs. Hypochondria and heart problem aside, I'm doing pretty good for somebody who abused themselves as much as I have over the last 20 years. Lucky fucker. I almost forgot! The ol' prostate is doin' just fine as well. I'm just glad the doctor was a lady. A hot young blonde no less. That's the  biggest sexual thrill I've had in over two years!  Too much? Too bad.
     Even though I've got all this positive action going on in my life, I'm still stuck with a mouth full of rotting teeth, two of which are abscessed and really need to come out. On that front, a couple of weeks ago I got some fairly good news from an old frat brother of mine. Turns out his nephew works for the biggest producer of implants in the country, right here in the Chicago area. I got in touch with him, and gave him my insurance info so he could pair me up with some of his clients, dentists, who might be able to help me out. Plus he might be able to cut the cost of the implants dramatically as well. Well he got me in touch with a local dentist/cosmetic dentist in the area. I went to their office a few days ago to see what they were all about, and what they could offer me. It's a pretty upscale place, with state of the art equipment, and back massaging dental chairs. I was in heaven. But heaven costs money on this plane of existence, and I still have no credit. I really liked this guy, 'cause he's the first person I've talked to who actually said that a lot of my remaining teeth could be saved. Albeit with 5 implants, numerous root canals, bridges and caps, but saved they could be. Of course the cost is where I'm screwed. Right around $32K for the whole procedure spread out over a couple of years. Compared to $40 to $50 K to take out all my teeth and get full implants from one of the implant shops. I feel more informed, yet still impotent to finding a monetary solution. What to do. Indeed.
     Well, I still have some leg work to do, and more research into other options. I've yet to check out the dental universities, and I figure I can talk to my local bank as well. The worse they can do is say no. I've heard that before. No big whup. I also got the idea from somebody to write a short book, maybe 30 or 50 pages, self published on Amazon. Why not. I've already got a few ideas floatin' around in my head. Lord knows I've cranked out quite a few pages on this blog so far, so what the hell. I can write about a book a month maybe, and see much I can make. Somebody out there will buy my schlock. Maybe you. One can dream.
     On that note, this posting is complete. Don't forget to brush your teeth, and pay your bills. And if you feel like donating up at the top of this blog, feel free, and thanks.  

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Obsessive Ignorance

Well dear readers, I have broken the rules of Adsense on this Google blog. I openly asked readers to click on my ads to help make me money to help get to my goal of fixing my teeth. That was a no-no according to the terms and conditions I agreed to with Google when setting up this account. I was under the impression that the only stipulation I was to adhere to was that I could not click on my own ads, but much to my chagrin, I was wrong, which they let me know yesterday when they cut off the Adsense program to my blog.
     I have been very excited about this blog since I started it way back on the 14th of January. Perhaps a little too excited. Enough to overlook the rules and ignorantly just ask for help getting money. Here's the thing with the ads: when they are clicked on I make a couple of bucks here and there. But asking for people to click on them artificially inflates the earnings for me, and that is against the rules. They want people to honestly click on them for information, without me asking you to. That is wrong. Now I know.
     The truth is, I was a bit obsessed about the idea of making money on here, and let my naivety and ignorance blind me to what I was doing. I have appealed to Google to reinstate the Adsense program on my blog and am awaiting their decision. I'm guessing they won't put it back on. If that's the case, then oh well. I originally started writing this blog to write about my journey, and to maybe help others along the way as well. I did the Adsense 'cause I thought, what the hell, why not? So I will continue writing the blog as long as Google allows it. If not, I'll go to another site. They're not the only game in town. I appreciate them, but if they want to let me go, it's up to them.Although, if you would like to make a donation, that option is still available at the top of the page.
     I want this blog to be honest, informative, and entertaining. It should not be about making money, and I think I may have lost sight of that.
     That's it for now. I'm working on my next post as this goes out. All about the blizzard of '11! Thanks for reading, and as always, brush your teeth and pay your bills!

Monday, January 31, 2011

I be Illin'

Two nights ago, right before I went to bed, I felt a twinge of  a feeling of a cold, creeping into my body. It's that slight bending of something inside of you, something you can't quite put your finger on, but if you've lived for any length of time and have been sick before, you know what it is. It's you getting sick. There is some foreign, unwanted, nasty microscopic creature attacking you from the inside. Vile demon, begone! Wicked fiend, trying to unhinge my system with your dastardly machinations, I reject you, foul beast! Have at thee! I unleash the white blood cells to attack and rend asunder your defenses! Die, you filthy cur! Get...out...of...me!
     There we go then. I think that did it. All bett....ahemm. Wait a minute, that didn't work. I still feels like shit. I guess it's going to be a while. At least two weeks they say. Having a cold always makes me think of the Beverly Hillbillies. I believe it was either Mister Drysdale, the Clampetts banker, or his assistant Miss Jane Hathaway, who had contracted a nasty cold in one episode. Upon hearing of their illness, Granny set to work on one of her sure fire, folksy country remedies to help them out in their time of need. I think it may have involved a poultice of some kind. That always gave me the creeps. Poultice. Bleeecchhghchkkkk!! Well whoever it was that was sick, drank and/or applied that crap to themselves and then asked old Granny when they could expect to be feeling better. She told them that it usually takes about two to two and a half weeks to work its magic on that cold, and you'll feel right as rain again. Really? Only two to two and a half weeks? That's fantastic! That's just peachy! Thanks Granny! You are a lifesaver! Now that I've ingested/applied that terrible substance to myself that almost made me expel everything out my body from every orifice I have, with the misguided belief that I would be feeling tip-top next Thursday for that million dollar account from the wealthy heiress of the chewing gum dynasty, I feel so much better with the knowledge that within two to two and a half weeks, I will be back on top of my game, nay, on top of the world!  Rarin' to go, and ready to conquer the world! Bring it on! Yeah, thanks a lot Granny. I am forever in your debt.You have changed my life! Could I be more sarcastic?! I don't think so!
     That's enough of that silliness. I do feel pretty crappy though. And as I have mentioned in an earlier posting, having an abscessed tooth will not help anything. It is an active infection in your mouth eating away at your very bone matter. Now that, needs to go. So my next step is to call my dentist tomorrow to set up an appointment to consult me about how and when we will be going about this whole tooth extraction procedure, and the subsequent dentures that will follow. I am thoroughly mortified, but as I have said before, it's time to pay the piper. I now reap, what I have sown.  The chickens have come home to roost. You wanna play, you gotta pay. So bring on the pain Mr. Dentist Man. Get yer pliers, and giant needles full of novocaine, and just RIIIIIP those babys out. It's going to be very weird not having any teeth in my mouth.Very strange indeed.  I want to go back in time and talk to myself with a big ol' smile full of broken and missing teeth. That would scare the livin' beJesus outta me. Might even scare me enough to get my act together and quit F'n around with my life. Scared straight, as it were. I probably wouldn't listen. As the old saying goes: Youth is wasted on the young.
     On the credit fixing front, this week I'm going to call a couple of the smaller debts, in the $100 dollar range, and make sure all the information I have on them is correct before I go sending them any money. I've got about 4 for those that can be knocked out within just a few months. I'm curious as to just how much that will boost my rating, if at all. We shall see. That's the problem with earning just a little bit more than you have to pay out in bills. It takes forever to pay them off. Maybe I should start writing another blog about cooking. I know the subject well. I should, I've been doing it for over 25 years. I'll have to think about that. I've only been writing this one for a half a month. I don't want to spread myself too thin. So far I'm keeping up with my goal of 2 to 3 posts a week. I hope you all are enjoying it so far. I'm trying to be as honest and informative as I can. I know I'm enjoying writing it.
     That's it for this time. If you're enjoying the blog so far, please show your support by clicking on the ads in the margins, and if the spirit moves you, you can also make a donation to the cause by clicking on the 'Donate' button at the top of the page. All the money I earn on this will be going towards getting my dental implants. Thanks for all your help, and as always, brush your teeth and pay your bills.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Big City, Still No Credit

I just got back from downtown Chicago to visit a dental implant company called Eon Clinics. It's a smaller operation than Clear Choice, but they do exactly the same thing. The difference between the two is, Eon Clinics has a lifetime guarantee for your teeth, and you go to them yearly for the cleaning and maintenance. With Clear Choice you get a pledge to do the right thing, and they don't do the maintenance and cleaning. You go to your dentist. Eon clinics says that to really clean them correctly, they need to be taken out of your mouth. A dentist doesn't  do that. But, Eon Clinics costs more, and they are not a nation wide company. So it's up to you to figure out what you want. I still need to look into a couple of other small companies, and also see if I can qualify for any work with a dental school. They've got certain requirements you have to meet. I've still got a ways to go before I'm out of the woods.
     Before I forget, as the kids are want to say these days, I'd like to "give a shout out" to the two representatives of each company that walked me through the whole process of learning about everything they have to offer. They both treated me with  a gracious respect that is needed in such a delicate and personal matter, that for most is an embarrassing and shameful experience. Unless you've got open sores or lesions, no other malady is quite so public and disgracing. They were true professionals, and I thank them for their kindness and their time. Now if they would only give me a freebie, I'd be stylin'.
    Being downtown in the big city is very energizing and exciting. All the hustle and bustle, noise and construction, homeless folks staring at you with their dead eyes and paper cups looking for some change, taxi's whizzing by at breakneck speeds millimeters from crushing you like so many soda crackers, the smell of gasoline and sewer stench wafting through the air. There's nothing like it. Like the 80's punk band Black Flag sang in their old favorite, "Iiiiiiiiiii Love, Livin' in the City!!!!". It's a beautiful thing filled with joy and fear and filth and slicked back hair on a fella named Raul, selling "used" radios out of the back of his car. Only $20 dollars Mistah! Better dan Wal-Mart....Sheeit! You need somethin' else? I get you anythin' man. Anything can happen! There's opportunity on every corner. Money buys, don't be shy!
     I don't live or work downtown, but when I first moved here I worked there for a few months. I got acclimated fairly quickly. You have to. You don't keep up, you get run over. I did not like it one bit. I'm used to a much slower pace than the big city. I grew up on the shore of  Lake Michigan. Wide open space to the West. After college it was out in Yellowstone National Park for four years. Much more, wide open spaces. In the West. From there I moved to Lawrence, Kansas. Talk about wide open. That's the definition. Although not really that much in Lawrence. It's a university town of about 80,000 people located in the North East corner of the state, with a bustling downtown, and active community. A very hep-cat kinda town. A veritable hotbed of Midwest liberalism. Of course if you drive five minutes outside of town, you are in the middle of nowhere. Wheat and cornfields and farms as far as the eye can see. Wiiiiiide open. No rush to be had. What's yer hurry? So it took a while for me to get my head wrapped around the idea of big city livin'. It was just too fast for me. It was a whole different world than what I was used to. Plus I was commuting two and a half hours a day for work, and I was drunk all the time. It's hard to balance the work, the travel, and the drink every single day. I was some kinda Foster Brooks superman. Who's Foster Brooks little girl? An actor who plays a drunk. Look him up on your interweb. Who is Foster Brooks indeed. Young people these days.  Where was I? Oh yes, juggling my mad, mad life in the new big city. What a nightmare. As horrific as my mouth looks now. I was not prepared for any of it.
    Nowadays, I like going downtown. As long as I'm ready for it, and have a plan for the day. Everything costs way too much money, so if yer poor you really have to plan it all out. Pack a lunch and find a few interesting sites to see. Of course my recent trip was just to Eon Clinics, not exactly sight seeing. I took the Metra train into town, which is about an hour ride, then hoofed it twenty five or more blocks there, for another forty-five minutes. It was snowing and there was a bit of a wind at my back, but it was a very nice walk. I actually worked up quite a sweat getting there. The offices are in a one story building in a somewhat residential area with their main entrance at street level, but once you go in you descend a few steps down into their reception area. It's a very modern looking space, yet quite warm and cozy with stylish seating framing two walls, and a small refrigerator with complimentary water bottles, and an individual coffee maker on top with a wide selection of  coffees and hot chocolate. I took off my over sized earphones and approached the receptionist to let her know my name and appointment time. As I peeled off the layers of clothing and my backpack, she handed me a clipboard with the obligatory paperwork to fill out while I awaited the appointment time. I arrived about thirty minutes early, so there was plenty of time. Other clients I saw were an elderly couple, and later a younger woman, perhaps in her late thirties. She did not smile when we made eye contact, and I just gave a closed mouth grin and a nod. The greeting of the middle-aged and toothless.
     After a short time I was greeted by their aforementioned representative, or Treatment Coordinator, as her card reads, and escorted to her office to get things a-rolling. She asked what brought me to their offices, and I told her a little of my checkered past, and that I was looking for dental implants before all of my teeth fell out of my head. She'd never heard that one before, and was slightly amused I think. I explained that I had already been to their main competitor, Clear Choice, and I just wanted to see what they had to offer and what the differences were. Those differences of course being mentioned at the beginning of this posting. Even though their cost is more, I had a good feeling about them. Not that it matters right now, since I cannot afford either, but just something to consider for the eventual decision of who I want to work with. Next came the 3D CT Scan of my mouth, then I got to meet their two top doctors for some more info, and that was about it. The treatment coordinator checked with one of their credit companies to see if I qualified, which of course I didn't, then just a bit more info, and she's going to email me some info, and that was it. A little anti-climatic, but overall a very positive experience. I left feeling quite good about the future, even with bad teeth..... and no credit. It's a long road, but I'm making my way one step at a time. By God. I just hope they don't think I was jerking them around. Because I wasn't. No sir.
     And now, I say good day to you. As ever and always, brush your teeth and pay your bills.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Follow my Passion?

I love the self help books that say to follow your passion. It's a great idea, in theory, or if you can actually follow through with the idea. Find what it is you really love to do, and start doing it as your job. Then you'll love getting up every day and going in to work. Hooray! You win! Life is wonderful! Yippee!
      That is a great idea! I love it, I really do. I wish everybody could do that with their lives. We'd have a happier planet, that's for sure. It's just that we wouldn't get any ditches dug, dishes washed, or windows cleaned. Who will be doing all the menial and manual labor? Not me, that's for sure. I'm following my passion! I love what I do. I have no time for these simple tasks. Bah!
      Ah, but there's the rub then, eh? We all have the time for the simple tasks. Our own simple tasks anyway. Taking care of all of our own responsibilities. Wash our own dishes, cook our own food, shovel our own driveways. Which is what we're supposed to do anyway. Unless you can pay to have someone else do it.
     The problem is, most people don't follow through with the idea. They think about how nice it would be if they could only be doing their favorite thing every day instead of this stupid job that I hate, and the boss that I hate, and all the BS that I have to put up with there. They just don't understand me! They've told themselves that they can't do it for a multitude of reasons. I'm too old, it's too hard, I'm not smart enough, etc., etc., etc. You get the idea. As someone once said, nothing worth doing is ever easy. It's probably going to take hard work and a lot of EFFORT on your part. The easiest part, hopefully, is figuring out what you want to do. Then you take the steps to get to that goal. What are the steps? Do I gotta tell you everything? Do the research. Google your questions, that's what you have the internet for. If you don't have it, (how are you reading this blog by the way?), go to your local library and use theirs. It's free. If you don't know how to use it, ask a librarian! Or be ancient, and get your information from books. The internet is faster, and will intuit your answers sometimes, but some folks are just old school. Then, get moving towards that goal. You should probably write it down too. No one will make it happen but you. Sure, you're friends and family are there to support you, but mommy will not be dragging your ass out of bed to get you on your way. You are your own perpetual motion machine. By your will shall you move.
     The figuring out what to do has always been the hard part for me. Following my passion takes some slowing down of the defining process. My passion for soul-fulfilling work, not just passion for passion. If I had my druthers, my passion would be getting a good buzz on and watching a kick-ass political thriller movie, smoking another joint halfway through it while having a few drinks. After the movie, head down to my favorite watering hole and meet up with a few friends for drinks and good times for a couple of more hours. Eventually when I'm too buzzed or tired to keep going on, I stumble on home to have a quick snack, then fall into bed in a heap and black out until I have to get up. That was my passion for a very long time. I'm not going to get into the psychoanalysis of the why I am/was like that here, but suffice it to say that something was lacking in my life. I guess I never slowed down enough to figure out what that was.
      So now, I think I've found my passion. I do have a passion for writing this blog now that I'm doing it. Thank you for pushing me in this direction Serena. I've always enjoyed writing anyway, so that's great. I don't know if I can parlay that into a career or not, but I'll still keep doing it. My other passion is for gardening. I really love gardening. I've even got a business idea for it that I'm working towards as well. It's in it's infancy, but I am slowly making it happen. The hard thing for me to have is patience. I've only been sober for 2 years, but the ideas are flowing now, and I'm just a little stifled by my current cash flow to make things happen. Plus there's no way I can get a business loan at this time. I have to prove to the banks that I'm a reliable and trustworthy person. With my track record, I understand how they have not come to that realization just yet. Also, as is the other main point of this blog, my teeth are falling out of my head, and I need to get that fixed as well. I've got a plan in place though, and am working it as I write. My current job pays a decent wage, and I've got insurance, but it's just getting by. Hand to mouth. After paying all the bills, and the surprise expenses that always seem to pop up out of nowhere, there's very little left over for saving, or investing. The logical conclusion now is, find a better paying job. Here's where my last post comes to bite me in the ass. There is a definite lack of jobs out there. I've been doing a little looking recently, and I can see why people are hurting. Perhaps I was a little too cavalier about the job searching, and the finding of the job on my last post. It's harder than I thought. I stand corrected. But I do stand by the notion that it's not impossible, and you will find what you need eventually. It's gonna be a bitch till you find it, but if you keep trying and don't give up, I believe you'll find it.
     So, follow your passion....if you dare. It'll take hard work, sacrifice, and determination, but I believe it can be achieved. Do you want to be happy? Do you want to do what you love to do? Or would you rather be miserable in a shit job, not making enough money. It's up to you. As the United States Marine Corps. say: "Improvise, Adapt,and Overcome". Go for it! As always, brush your teeth, and pay your bills!
    

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Recession, Schmecession

I just don't understand why everyone is so worked up about the recession. I've been on the edge of poverty my entire adult life, and somehow I still get by. I guess I've just never known any different. Being broke is a way of life, and fully functioning paradigm for myself, and I'm guessing millions of others all across this great country of ours. Sure, I had a wife that's a college graduate with a good job that pays quite well. I'm glad for that, because that means my children can enjoy life a little bit better than if they had to just live with me. If we hadn't gotten divorced, we'd both be doing better, but it was not to be. Lucky for my children they live with the parent that learned about personal responsibility a lot sooner than the other one. Namely me. I am not proud of this fact, and am doing what I can now to remedy that situation, but I still have a hard time feeling a whole lot of pity toward those who no longer have their $100,000 a year jobs, and are forced to give up all the luxuries in their life that they've grown accustomed to.
     What are those luxuries anyway? I will guess. 1) Cable TV/Tivo  2) Magazine subscriptions  3) Monthly car payments  4) Vices, such as; alcohol, tobacco, pornography, prescription drugs, chocolate, etc.  5) Lawn service  6) Dining out  7)   Anything that costs more than you make.  8) Other things not coming to mind at this time.
      Some of you are probably saying, "Well Jeffrey Scott, maybe if you had gotten your college degree, or a culinary degree, you too would be pulling down the big bucks and living beyond your means, and pushing your credit past the point of no return just like the rest of us, and being pretty bummed out like the rest of us as well." That very well may be. I agree. Unfortunately I held myself back through my love for alcohol. That was my weakness, and ultimate downfall. Now, would you rather trade me for that, or would you like to stop feeling sorry for yourself, pick yourself up and do the hard work of getting back to work? Hmmm? Yes life can be a real bitch sometimes, but if you do have that college degree, and your health, and an internet connection, you can get up and get out there and find something new. It may take a while, but don't tell me you can't do it.
     Believe it or not there are actually people out there that want to help people like me, and perhaps even people like you. They want to help someone that is helping themselves, someone that is getting up off their asses and trying. When I make it, I will be one of those people looking for people who are trying as well. That's right, when I make it. Mark my words, because I will. "Big words, from a man with bad teeth and no credit!" I can hear you exclaiming. That's right, big words. I've got lots of big words. Onomotopeia. How's that for a big word, huh? Antidisestablishmentarianism. Ha.
     So, I guess I'm saying that sometimes you have to suck it up and give up those luxuries you can no longer afford for a while. Sure it sucks, but if you want to get it all back, you may have to give it all up. At least for a while. How long is a while? I have no idea. It depends on you I suppose. It depends on your attitude and what you're willing to do to better your life. Maybe you need a little humility in your life, I don't know. But don't just write off the experience as a horrible nightmare that you have to endure. You might just learn something valuable. As Americans, we're a very independent people who are taught from an early age that we need to make our own way, and asking for help is a sign of weakness. I think we need to learn how to rely on each other a little better. It's not such a bad thing to ask for help.
     Look at me, I'm asking for your help right now. If you click on my ads, I make a few pennies. Or, if your're in the giving mood, you can make a donation. It all goes towards fixing my teeth. I am shameless. Maybe not totally, but certainly not much left. I'm too old for vanity, and too young to give up. I am the little engine that could. I could use a breather now and again, but I'm in it for the long haul. Bear down, dig in, and keep on keepin' on. Right on brother! Can I get an AMEN?!
     That's it for today. Y'all take care and remember, brush your teeth, and pay your bills!

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Cold, Hard Reality

Dateline: Chicago.It's a bitter winter in the windy city, and the bitterness is seeping into this reporters soul. Nah, I'm just kiddin'. I just wanted to use the word dateline, and sound like an old timey reporter. And to transition into the theme of this posting, cold, hard reality.
     The reality that there is no quick fix in this world. There is no free handout to make it all better. I'm not going to get new teeth by the end of this fiscal quarter. Or probably by the end of the next 12 quarters or more. It's going to be a long hard journey, filled with potential setbacks and pitfalls that will hamper my progress along the way. No doubt it's going to be a bitch. But through those discouragements I believe will come education, and wisdom, and peace. It's going to happen. I will get new teeth. But it will take time. As I've told some very good friends and family supporters before, it took me a long time to get to the point I'm at now, and it's going to take a long time to get back to "normal" and status quo. Not as long as it took to get down to the depths, but it will be quite a while. I believe the victory will be that much sweeter when I get there, knowing that I did this. I did it with the help and support of friends and family, but ultimately it was me who made the decision to fix my life, and drag my ass onto the pain train back to normalcy.
     This point was driven home recently by a good friend from college whom I love and respect very much. He has done very well for himself, and would be considered by many to be a wealthy man, in more ways than one. Since I moved to the Chicago area, I've gotten back in touch with my old friends in Michigan making the occasional visit when I can afford to get away for a few days. It's always a good time, and it's great to see old familiar faces. It's also a bit embarrassing since almost a third of my teeth are gone, and the others aren't too far behind. It's kinda hard to hide a mouth full of missing and broken teeth. So at some point I let my friend know what was happening with my neglected craw, and he offered to help, once I got all the information I needed to figure out what to do. Just how much help he was willing to offer I didn't now, and wasn't about to ask. That's just not done. All would be revealed in time. Well the time has come, and in just a few words spoken and unspoken, he let me know. Replacing all or just half my teeth is just too much of a cost for him to bear. He might be able to afford it, but that's not the point. The point is, which I've always known, that I made my own problems and it's up to me to fix them. There will be no learning or growth if some rich guy just comes along and bails me out. That wouldn't be fair to me, or him. I'm the one that has to make this happen, not him. Sure he'll be there to help with the dentures that will be coming along soon enough, which will be a huge favor in and of itself, but I cannot, and will not expect someone else to fix my problems. What I do expect from my friends and family is the love and support that they all have shown me already. That's really all I can expect. Which is plenty.
     So, as I mentioned, there will be dentures. A full set at some point. My insurance will pay half, and my friend will be helping me with the other half. Much cheaper than the implants, but the next logical step towards that end. I can't walk around with abscessed teeth in my head all the time. That's just not healthy. But that's still a little way down the road. Sooner than I think. It's just the reality of having no teeth in there is going to be a very demoralizing time, at least for the first few weeks. I'll cover all that when I get to it. For now, it's just plan ahead.
     Well that's it for this posting today. I'm tapped out, and I've got company coming in about an hour or so. I gots to clean this place up a bit. I hope y'all have a great day, and I'll write to ya later. Don't forget, brush your teeth, and pay your bills on time!

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Let's talk teeth.

Okey doke. Let's talk teeth. Rotting, decaying, falling out of your head kinda teeth. I'll try not to get too graphic now kiddies, this is supposed to be a humorous blog. No need to bring you all down into the murky depths of my trip. I've got a positive attitude, but I've got to find a way to get a buttload of money before they all come breaking out of my mouth. Granted it's only my third posting, but I've got a good feeling about this one. I'm gonna break some new ground here. I would've started this sooner, but I had to get caught up on my Venture Brothers season 4. I love that show. Just have to restrain myself from writing in their style.
     I don't know when it was exactly that I started neglecting my dental hygiene. Probably sometime during college, or shortly after they kicked me out and my drinking took on a life of its' own. I grew up with braces for cryin' out loud, so I knew how to take care of my teeth. Now my mom is sooo glad she invested all that money in my grill when I was a kid. I think I probably just stopped caring at some point. Sure I brushed, but not always on a daily basis. I was young, I thought I'd live forever. Never thought about mortality or the finiteness of life. Didn't think there'd actually be an end. "Don't you worry your pretty little head about the ivories. Just pass a brush over 'em a couple of times a week or so and you'll be fine. You'll never fall apart or get old.", I somehow told myself. "Have another drink. You'll be fine!" Ah, the folly of youth. Fast forward 20 years and you see the results of neglect and abuse. Not a pretty sight my friends.
     The first thing I had to do was see a dentist, but when I first moved here to the Chicago area a couple of years ago, I only had the crappy restaurant job that had no insurance, so that was out of the question at the time. Also I hadn't quit drinking until months after I moved here, and I just wasn't interested in much of anything until I did. I finally got the good job one year ago from now, and just got the dental appointment taken care of about 2 months ago. I'm a bit of a procrastinator. I'm workin' on that. Old bad habits take a little time to break. The dentist told me that all hope was lost for my original teeth, and full mouth implants were going to cost me around $75,000. That's right, you read that number correctly. I just about dropped a load right there on the dentists recliner from the shock. Where in the hell would I get that kind of money? Criminy. Well I knew of another option out there that I had seen on television about a year before. A company by the name of Clear Choice that specializes in, and only performs dental implant procedures. They have a free consultation and CT scan of your mouth. It's kind of like an MRI that gives them a 3-D image of the entire mouth. The prognosis was the same as the dentist, but the price was almost half as much. You can find them on the web at http://www.clearchoice.com/index.aspx. After an extensive consultation with their point man, (also named Jeffrey), a short video and a meeting with the resident prosthodontist, we did a couple of inquiries into getting me financing through the two lending institutions they work with. Unsurprisingly I was denied by both, and we only checked on the half-procedure option. Full mouth is $40,000; bottom half and a full upper denture is about $20,000. I'm pretty much screwed.
     But I'm not giving up by God! Where there's a will, there's a way! I will have new teeth! There's another company out there I'm going to make an appointment with today for next week called Eon Clinics. They do the same thing as Clear Choice. Here's their  link:http://www.eonclinics.com/locations/index.html. They also have the free consultation and CT-scan. I'm pretty sure they'll be telling me the same thing, but I'd like to get another opinion, and maybe I'll qualify with their lender. Highly doubtful, but what the hell. A couple of others I've found are University Associates in Dentistry at, http://www.uadchicago.com/, and University Dental Associates at, http://www.universitydentalassociates.com/. Simialar names, but different companies. Interesting how these companies are becoming more commonplace. Kind of makes you wonder about the oral health of our country. Not very good is my guess.
     Another option I discussed with my brother just this morning is getting the work done abroad for a fraction of the cost. Here's a blog address and a couple of other sites I just found: http://toothdentalimplants.blogspot.com/http://hubpages.com/hub/Free-Dental-Implants-Info, http://www.dentalinsurancecare.com/free-dental-implants.html
     http://www.treatmentabroad.com/cosmetic-dentistry-abroad/hungary/. Those are just a few. There's others out there, but beware of scams. I'm learning all this as I go. Next I need to check with Dental Schools. There might be something there as well.
     I'm starting to feel a little overwhelmed. I just searched for dental tourism, and dental universities. There are many choices, and I'm going to have to spend some major time figuring out what exactly to do. It's going to take a lot of research. I like the dental tourism idea, but you gotta be careful. I don't wanna get sucked into some scam. Take a vacation and get my teeth fixed at the same time. I like it.
     Time to say goodbye for now. I'm all tapped out for this post. I need to get something done around the house as well. I think I'll make some split pea soup in the crock pot. Yum. Take care and remember, brush your teeth and pay your bills on time!

Sunday, January 9, 2011

First one down, a million to go.

I just finished my very first blog last night, and I'm already rarin' to go on number two. I must still be in the newbie-blogger honeymoon stage. By the way I can't stand the word 'newbie'. I liken it to a co-worker asking if you've got a case of the 'Mondays'. It's just so cheesy and smarmy I wanna smack it. I only use it because everyone else does and I just want to fit in. What can I say, I'm a hypocrite. Chalk it up to the dichotomy of man. On to the post at hand.
     Getting a copy of your credit report isn't as hard as you might think it is, and doesn't cost a thing once a year. I've heard that even checking the status of your credit report will result in dropping your score a few points, but I don't know this to be a fact. I'll have to look that one up and get back to you. There are three main credit reporting agencies out there that know everything about your borrowing history and just what kind of a debtor you are. They also know where you work and live, how you pay your bills, and whether you've been sued, arrested, or filed for bankruptcy. They are: Equifax, Transunion, and Experian. Just put a dot-com at the end of those words and you'll go straight to their websites. On the front page of their websites is a place to go and see your credit report for free from the 'Personal' section. Or they might just say 'Free annual credit report. Click here.' If it tells you there is a fee, you're in the wrong area and you need to go back and look again. You might have to dig a little, but you should find it. I just looked at one of the sites and it said that your score does not go down for getting your report. Hopefully that's true. Once you're there, all you do is follow the instructions. You have to fill in a questionairre with all of your personal information, then answer a short multiple choice quiz that only you will know the answers to, to determine that you are who you say you are, then you're in like Flynn.
     I made hard copies of my report from all three agencies. Went through about half a cartridge of ink, but it was worth it. Now comes the fun part. Also known as the gut wrenching, knock you on your ass, ice-cold bucket of financial responsibility part. Make that irresponsibility in my case. The few of you out there reading this probably have stellar credit compared to me. I have got a total of twenty-five, count 'em, twenty-five items on mine. Most are outstanding debts. There are a few that have been paid, but they are still reported on. According to the Fair Credit Reporting Act,(FCRA), most negative information on your credit report will stay on there for at least 7 years from the time of your repayment of the debt, either delinquent through a collection agency, or through the original lender. Exceptions to that rule include 10 years for bankruptcy, and a few others that I'll list here. Information about criminal convictions may be reported without any time limit. Information reported on response to an application for a job with a salary of more than $75,000 has no time limit. Information reported because of an application for more that $150,000 worth of credit or life insurance has no time limit, and information about a lawsuit or an unpaid judgment against you can be reported for seven years or until the statute of limitations runs out, whichever is longer
     Now, those of you who haven't been living in the bottle for the past two decades might find this post somewhat redundant and fairly common sense type stuff. Maybe your parents even taught you how to do this. If they did, count yourself lucky. But I think most people have no clue how to go about finding this info. Maybe they're too scared or intimidated by the process to find it.  Especially if you've been running from and ignoring debt collectors who are trying to get your money. They are just doing their job, but some of them can be rather unscrupulous about it. They are pressured to get results, and in turn put the pressure on you to get as much out of you as they can. What they don't tell you is that you have choices and options. I recently made arrangements with a collection agency for monthly payments of $78 a month for a very old loan from college. At first they were putting the pressure on, trying to get half of what I owed now, then make $250 payments a month until it's payed off. Now, I make about $32,000 a year. After I pay my rent, utilities, gas and insurance for the car, groceries, and whatever miscellaneous expenses pop up throughout the month, I'm left with very little to spend on old bills. I also have two children that live with their mother. Fortunately she has always been responsible and on top of her finances, but they stay with me on occasion and I sometimes need to spend a little money on them as well. Only within the last year have I gotten to the point where I'm paying all of my regular monthly bills on time and in full. I got a better job than the restaurant gig just about a year ago.  Even if I could scrape up the half of what I owe, (about $3,000), there's no way I could afford those monthly payments. Plus  I wouldn't be able to pay my next rent, or any of my monthly bills. I'd be so far behind the eight ball it'd make my head spin. So that's what I told them, including my income and expenses. Upfront and honest. The representative I was talking to asked me to hold while she conferred with her manager. A few minutes later she came back and asked me what I could afford for a down payment. I told her $150 in one week's time at my next paycheck. She said ok and set up $78 monthly payments for the next 6 months, at which point my debt will be transferred to another lending company with whom I will make new arrangements.  Granted it was originally a federal school loan, and if I couldn't make arrangements that they liked, they had to fall back on the $78 a month. The point is they weren't about to tell me that information. I am genuinely, actively working on getting my life together, and I may not have a whole lot of options, but you don't know what you've got or what you can get unless you try, and do a little pushing back to stand up for yourself. I wasn't angry or obnoxious with her, just matter of fact. This is what I can do, this is what I can afford. One down, twenty-five to go.
     OK, that was way longer than I thought it would be, and I'm not sure how long these blogs should be. But I promised you the debut of 'Your Banker, Your Friend', and I will not disappoint. I do my banking at a small town bank that's got six branches total. I guess I didn't pay much attention to the big national banks I used to be with back in the boozin' days, but it does seem like I get a little more personal attention now. If I've got a question or an issue, all I need to do is ask for a banker, sit down with them and ask my question, or tell them whatever my issue might be. They're always happy to oblige, and can sometimes give me a more detailed and informed answer than I was even looking for. At least that's been my experience so far. 
     Well, that was fairly anti climatic, but what the hell, I delivered. That's it for this installment. Next time, more teeth talk. As always, brush your teeth, and pay your bills on time! Good night everybody!
     
      

Friday, January 7, 2011

Welcome to my blog.

I don't know who originally wrote, "It's always darkest before the dawn.", but in my case they should have added, "...but there's gonna be a whole lotta grey days before the sun comes out." I feel as though I haven't really felt the warming rays of our beautiful sun in a long, long time. It's been at least two years since I quit drinking, and probably a couple of more before that since I thought I was seeing radiant sunshine in my life. Lately I get glimpses of blue sky, and bits of rays shooting through the clouds to give me a little hope and the will to keep moving forward. You see, I am a man in the midst of great change. I am a man on a mission. Brutal and honest reality has a way of focusing you like a laser beam. The reality of age, mortality, and physical pain as well. I am working towards the goal of repairing my credit to the point of being able to get a loan so that I may replace my ruined teeth. This blog will chronicle my journey toward that goal, with the intent of moving me forward, and providing you the reader with an upbeat and humorous tale of woe and redemption.
     At this point you might be asking yourself, "Who is this nutjob that's exposing his flaws and foibles to the world at large, and what does he hope to accomplish?" Well, I'm just a regular Joe who's led a self destructive life of neglect and abuse who believes it's never too late to change your circumstances and habits, and turn your life around. If writing this blog can get me to that goal a little quicker and perhaps exorcise some demons along the way, I'm all for it. At the least it's an incredibly cathartic exercise that will help me move forward and achieve my goals. Plus, maybe I can help someone else out there who may be going through something similar.You may also be asking, "Well aren't you ashamed and embarrassed?" Maybe a little, but when you're as old as I am,(42), and you've done the stupid and crazy shit that I have in my life, you naturally tend to move beyond vanity and feeding the ego and start to face the reality at hand, and working toward making that reality a happier and manageable place to live. I just don't have time to worry about what others think anymore. No more lying to myself. It's not healthy or productive. You'll be getting nothing but the truth from me. Of course names will be changed, and I probably won't tell you everything, but what I do tell you will be the truth.
     Starting this blog was spurred on by an old friend of mine whom I got back in contact with on Facebook last year. I'm sure like many of you out there, as soon as I got on FB I started to get back in touch with a multitude of friends from the past, one of whom was Serena, who to me is akin to a big sister. She has been my personal cheerleader helping to keep me moving forward. I originally knew her through my big brother who she dated for a short time, and coincidentally her little sister who I dated for a short time as well. Small world huh? We became fast friends and had many a good time in her second floor apartment in an historic home just a block away from where I was living with my parents at the time.
     Getting my life on track and getting my shit together was spurred on by the untimely passing of my father at the age of 71. That happened back in December of 2008, caused by a massive heart attack brought on by bicycling home from work. The slight grade he was climbing was just too much for his old ticker to take. It took a couple of months, but on February 1st of 2009 I drank my last drink. Two days earlier I had gone into work 2 sheets to the wind, and not even close to being fit for a Friday night shift on the saute' station at the local restaurant I worked at. That's right, I'm a cook in the food service industry. A profession and field that historically has been disproportionately plagued by alcoholism and just about any other drug addiction you can think of. It's a lot of fun! While in the store room looking for something, and trying to sober up mentally, my chef came in and asked if I was drunk, to which I replied no. He said, "You sure?". I said "No, I'm fine.". He said "Maybe just a little?". I paused and said, "Well....maybe a little.", to which he replied, "Well maybe you should punch out and go home. Work the rest of the weekend, and we'll talk about this on Monday."  I said OK, punched out and went home, to continue getting plastered for the rest of the evening, until I passed out real good. The rest of the weekend was an embarrassing hungover nightmare of explaining to the all Mexican kitchen staff in my broken kitchen-Spanish that the rumors of me being drunk on Friday night were true. Whether or not I still had a job come Monday morning was still up for debate. Luckily I had an old school boss with a forgiving nature who let me keep my job. He's also a savvy pragmatist who knows that replacing a good cook who can think for himself and on his feet is a pain in the ass to replace. Replaceable sure, but if you don't have to go through all the rigarmoral of hiring and training someone new, why bother. The only people at the restaurant who knew about it were him and the Mexicans. The owners didn't know, and that's the way it stayed.
     Two years later I'm still sober, and I even quit smoking four months ago. Which was a helluva lot tougher to do than the booze. While looking for distractions to keep me from smoking, I started journal writing and doing some drawing and sketching. It helped quite a bit and was very spiritually fulfilling. What follows now is a small sampling of the writing I began four months ago.        

 It had been a good morning, starting out with a banana, some yogurt and  crunchy organic cereal that must be soaked for not less than eight minutes, for tenderizing, so that your craggy wasteland of a neglected craw might gum away at the softened gruel, for nourishment and omega-3.



It’s a bitch facing mortality as a seasoned lush and physically negligent person. You’re always in some kind of pain,either physical, mental, or spiritual. When a piece of tooth breaks off as you’re attempting to chew on something, I am always reminded of the more recent version of the motion picture, “The Fly”, (starring Jeff Goldblum and Geena Davis), As Jeff Goldblums’ character begins falling apart as he changes into..., the Creature! Quite gruesome indeed.
“As you sow... “
Now is the time of the great change. The snail like transformation of yourself is a slow and steady ride towards your peace and love. It’s there, just waiting for ya. It’s easy to lose sight of that light.  “Dear Jesus, May I see the Light?!”
     It’s really not as glamorous a lifestyle as you might think. Drinking daily that is. Which leads to the glorious pain of every atom in your body violently shaking the life out of you, whilst you ride the waves of nausea until you drift up to the porcelain beach. Mornings in Paradise! Putter about the apartment looking for clean work clothes, taking the occasional slug off the remains of last nights bottle just to take the edge off the morning. Perhaps watching part of a movie, maybe even do the dishes. Maybe not.
Look out! That wasn’t a fart! How long’s it been since you last had a firm and solid stool? Months at least. Fortunately  I cook for a living, so I get at least one full meal a day. Otherwise I’d probably starve. Don’t really care to eat when I’m drinking anyway. Cuts into my drinkin’ time.
The first time I really shit my pants, I knew I had a serious drinking problem. Through the spinning drunken haze of your mind, a clear and searing beacon of shame and embarrassment cuts through the morass of your inebriation as the evacuation of your bowels commences forthwith, despite your mental and guttural pleadings to cease this egregious breach of contract between the all-controlling mind over the body. The body ain’t havin’ none of it. The ego has crossed the line this time. Tonight, you pass out on the floor of your VW style van, warmed by the fresh load in your drawers, to awaken hours later with a great pressure in your bladder. Luckily you find that at some point in the evenings black slumber, you managed to free yourself of the aforementioned encumbered undergarment, and get your pants back on. Will wonders never cease? Find a place to pee and regroup, then go home


There you have it. I've got about 6 or 7 more pages of run on sentences and stream of consciousness ramblings to submit for your perusal in future postings. Should be fun.


Well, that's it for my very first posting. I hope y'all liked it. Next time I'll be discussing how to get your credit rating from the big three credit rating companies, and the breakdown and dissemination of all of my debts. Maybe not all of my debts. That would take up at least 3 more posts. I'll keep it down to just the most interesting ones. Plus, hilarious non incriminating stories from my past, and the debut of, "Your banker, your friend."
Thanks for your time, and to prove that I'm not too proud for much of anything, I'll be putting up a Paypal button for donations to get me closer to my goal of a head full of new teeth. I appreciate whatever support you can give me; monetary, spiritual, or grammatical.
In closing, "Brush your teeth, and pay your bills on time!"