Friendship & Narcissism don't mix

 If you don't know the classical definition of a narcissist please go look it up real quick. I'll wait for you here. Take your time, I've literally got all day. 

Ok, all set? Right on. Just to be clear though, I won't be speaking of your run-of-the-mill, borderline, narcissistic personality disorder. No sir. Or ma'am, whichever the case may be. No judgment. We'll speak to the more damaging version of it that can border on psychosis, with the right person in the right frame of mind.  Toxic behavior for all parties involved. 

I had a friend like that. A very good friend that I love like a sibling. We had a lot of fun together over the years. Just about 25 years of fun to be precise. And, as it turns out, abusive behavior towards me that I didn't realize was as toxic and damaging as it was. Not until after I had a couple of years under my belt of YouTube therapy, personal development, and sobriety did I really start to notice that the way I was being treated was incredibly disrespectful. And mean. And vindictive. Which I never really saw. I always gave them the benefit of the doubt. I knew they had issues, so I would let them vent all over me. (eww, gross) I'm a listener and an empathic personality. They fed off my energy, and I finally woke up to it when I was condescended to one too many times. I communicated with them how I felt, that friends don't treat friends like this. They are supposed to support each other. This person responded by doubling down, insulting me, and disregarding my feelings. I sent one more message to be perfectly clear what my grievance was, and I was met with silence. Two days ago in the early evening, 3 months after letting them go, I missed a call from them. They left no voice message or text. I am assuming this was a drunken, nostalgia call. They may have hung up as soon as it rang, I don't know, and frankly, I don't care. If they don't leave a message, then I guess they don't really want to talk. 

That's the shortened version of the story of my friend. I won't get into all the nitty-gritty details because that would be a waste of everyone's time. Suffice it to say, this person blamed everyone but themselves for all of their problems, regularly lied to me, (either by omission or just blatantly, discovered later through other parties), highly judgemental and controlling, manipulative, and downright mean and nasty when inebriated. Which is often. Or at least it was. As I said, we haven't spoken in almost three months. Then a call two days ago. 

I feel the tug and call of my better angels, exhorting me to call them back, maybe just a quick text... But my age and slightly jaded temperament have allied to fortify my resolve against the temptation of those angels, knowing full well the history and M.O. of this old 'friend'. I've been sung the sweet songs of enlightenment and productivity before, only to be dashed on the rocky shores of apathy, complacency, and drunken resolve. Negativity and sadness are the soundtracks to this person's life. A life that sadly will probably never change for the better. They will just become more of who they are, digging deeper into an abyss of their own creation. Pushing all Love away, giving in to pride, which of course is ego. "Poor, pitiful me. Nobody loves me. It's not fair! I want more!" All I got to say to that is, stop asking what the world can give you, and start figuring out what you can give to the world. Start being grateful for what you have, and stop complaining about what you don't. 

I have learned that abuse is never ok. Especially from a friend or loved one. You gotta nip that shit in the bud. Confront the issue immediately and find out where you stand in that person's life. Don't let yourself be their doormat. You are a vital human being that brings value to the world, and we need you, just as you are. No one else has your talents and abilities. You're fucking special, and you matter. So if anybody tries to tell you otherwise, or tries to control you or suck your life energy away from you, don't let 'em. You tell them no. They either treat you right or keep on walkin'. 

I could say that I wish I would have learned these lessons 20 or 30 years ago, but the fact is I'm learning them here and now, and they will help me to be a better person, and to keep me moving forward. I hate losing a dear friend, but I will no longer be shit on. I wouldn't tolerate it from a stranger, so why would I tolerate it from someone that professes to love me? You get to a point in life where you learn to say no, and you learn to do what's good for you. And you can either listen to your wisdom and grow and get better, or you can stick your head in the sand and wait for the inevitable tsunami of pain. It's up to you. You always have a choice. I hope you find value in this. Thanks and take care. ~ JVD       8^)

Learning Curve

This is the blog I was going to write first, before the one about the Fairness Doctrine and White Supremacy. This blog was supposed to be about my learning curve in regards to starting a new career, that I am slowly piecing together. In an RV. Currently in Southern California in Canyon Country, Santa Clarita. And so it shall be. Can I get an Amen? 

First, a quick history. I was a cook/chef for over 25 years, until two years after a near-fatal car accident in 2011. I went from a kitchen to an office for the next 6 1/2 years. My body could no longer handle the physical pressures of the job. During that time, the idea of my mortality became something that I realized was far more imminent than I had ever given thought to before. Up until that point, which was somewhere in my forties, I had lived a rather devil-may-care, live-for-the-moment kind of existence. Avoid pain, seek pleasure, and go to work. Even with kids, this attitude didn't change. Now, for the record, part of my history is addiction. A big part. Through a combination of inherited genes, social pressure, food service culture, and a lack of personal boundaries and discipline, I was a drunk with a Peter Pan complex for many years. Until my Dad died, then two years later I got in a near-fatal car accident. Those two things woke me up. I may have spoken of this in my earlier entries, but I didn't go back and read them. Be that as it may, my life started to change for the better.

When I started working at the office, I found that I could listen to YouTube videos on my work computer. I listened to science, news, history, various podcasts, and plenty of other stuff. That was all well and good, but in my new state of mind towards life, I decided that I wanted to improve myself. I wanted to be better at running my life, and learn how to be successful enough so that money was no longer something I had to stress over. Which it definitely did at that time. So I started to listen to Tony Robbins, the most widely known self-help, motivational speaker in the world. As I listened and started to piece together and subsequently understand his approach, I realized that he was about "personal development", not motivation. Motivation is just one piece of an intricate puzzle that is Personal Development. There's a lot more to it, and there are a lot more people than Tony Robbins that are preaching this particular gospel. 

As I'm sure you're aware as a consumer of social media, that algorithms bring you more of what you like and watch. So of course YouTube started sending me many more speakers from the same school of thought as Mr. Robbins. People like Les Brown, Bob Proctor, Mel Robbins, Gary Vaynerchuck, Earl Nightengale, Zig Zigler, and the Grand Daddy of them all, Napolean Hill. And there's more, a veritable 31 flavors of personal development speakers and coaches destined to connect with at least one group of people. And with a growing number of newcomers in the field.  The internet seems to encourage and foment the proliferation of this career path. This is fine in and of itself but be warned that like many other "movements" that come about from the commercialization and monetization of an idea through such media outlets like the movie, "The Secret", (in this case), it can quickly be written off as just another get-rich-quick scheme by the naysayers. The eventual scammers looking to make a quick buck off the rubes and the ill-informed tend to hasten the demise of such idealistic endeavors, relegating the ideals to the scrap-heap of crazy ideas and crack-pot swindlers.  

As idealistic as I am, I also try to be a realist. So when I listen to these speakers, the reputable ones that is, I take in what they're saying knowing full well that it will require a butt-ton of work and determination on my part if I'm going to use their strategies to help me in my journey. You don't just push a button on your website and the money starts flowing into your coffers. It takes work. Every day. There is no easy path. And it takes time. Which brings me to the next step in my journey. Total immersion into the subject. 

Every day, at work and at home, I listened to these speakers. On my way to work in the morning, at work, on the drive home, after work, and while I slept. I soon got the idea of subliminal conditioning as well. So I looked on YouTube, and lo and behold, you can get subliminal messaging on just about any subject behind nature sounds or ambient music, or whatever you can find. I would play this overnight, AND in the background behind whatever speaker I was listening to at work. After about 9 months or so I noticed a change in the way I looked at the world. My perception and attitude was changing. I was starting to see more of the possibilities in the world around me,  and fewer hurdles. And the hurdles I did encounter started to get easier to overcome as well. They have become challenges to learn from rather than overwhelming and fearful monsters. Lessons to take with me in life that will help to keep me on my path.     

Over the next 5 1/2 years or so lots of things came and went in my life But I did decide on what I wanted out of my life, and I wrote it down. And I've been moving in that direction ever since. Progress has been slow, with some setbacks. Self-inflicted more than not, but I'm learning, ever iterating. I moved to Colorado from Illinois once my kids were old enough for me to, living with my brother and his family. The original plans when I moved were drastically changed because of the Covid-19 Pandemic, and living with family proved to be more challenging than I had anticipated. After 6 months, I moved to Albuquerque to room at a friend's house that needed someone as a renter until the first of the year, January 2021. That didn't work out. I left 2 months early. Not before totaling my car on the way to get a hitch to haul a trailer with my stuff. That was fun. I took the insurance money and bought a pickup truck and a 25-foot trailer. I headed for Arizona on the first of November. My Niece lives in Phoenix. I stayed there for 2 months getting used to RV living, staying at a County Park, and an RV Park on Lake Pleasant, North of Phoenix. My two cats got out the first night there, and the boy, Oliver, was killed and eaten by a predator. My cats were indoor/outdoor cats, but I failed to realize I was in a wild place. He was a white, long hair male on a clear moonlit night. He didn't stand a chance. My other cat, Mavis, survived. She is a ninja. Short-haired, charcoal-colored. I was devastated at his loss, but have moved on. 

I was back in Colorado for the holidays, repairs on my truck, and for my license plates for the trailer as well. I then headed to Lake Mead for a month to finish up my RV remodeling. I took out the Queen sized bed and made the bedroom an office/bedroom. I also removed one of the dinette booths and replaced it with a bench for storing shoes and boots and winter hats and gloves. I needed to streamline and make this rig my own. Now it is, and it's suited much better to my needs. Which is to be my online work from home space. 

I am currently in Southern California, and slowly getting into my new daily work schedule. It's not easy with the discipline, but I'm getting better. Sometimes it's just a switch I turn on or off in my head that will get me moving. But I don't always choose to use it for some reason.  It's kind of like getting an old engine started back up. It still works, but I think I mighta flooded it. And by flooded it, I mean procrastination. Not with the writing so much, but with the online work I've chosen for myself. The work I need to be spending 8 to 10 hours a day on right now. The work that will eventually be paying the bills. Total immersion. See that? Full circle baby! 

So that's where I'm at. The learning curve isn't too terribly steep, but it's pretty damn long. I've got a LOT to learn. But I will. And I will figure it out. Every day. Bit by bit.  ~ JVD   8^)

Bring back the Fairness in Broadcasting Doctrine, because white supremacist corporations are not people

 Thursday, March 4th, 2021

BRING BACK THE FAIRNESS IN BROADCASTING DOCTRINE, b/c WHITE SUPREMACIST CORPORATIONS ARE NOT PEOPLE

Today is the day that the QAnon people and hardcore Trumpers believe Trump will finally come to power and be the "legitimate" 19th President of these United States through some made-up theory based on supposed historic precedence. It's all bullshit. Pure "coo-coo for Cocoa-Puffs" (tm), kind of thinking by a manipulative, out-of-touch, and splintered Republican Party. They are a party without a center, held together by conspiracy theories and a misguided, deep-seated fear of anything from the Left. Their compulsion to "own the Libs" at just about any cost would be laughable if it wasn't so damaging to the American electorate. The Right is and has been for nigh on 40 years, chipping away at our democracy for the sake of holding on to power that is slowly slipping from their grasp. In the last two weeks alone, Republican-led legislatures across the country in more than two dozen states have presented over 250 pieces of legislation that would make it harder for people to vote. Which people you ask?  Why, that would be communities of color that would be affected the most of course. Could it be a coincidence that at the same time that the conservative party in this country is increasingly out of touch with the people because of their failed policies and obstructionism-at-all-cost strategies, that they are also trying to make it as hard as humanly possible for POC to legally vote because they know that if the majority of people do vote, Democratic candidates win? The plethora of voter suppression tactics employed by the Right just proves the point that they cannot win by their ideas. They can only win if they restrict the voting to only those people they know that will vote for them: white, hetero males. 

White Supremacy? Is that what I'm getting at? I'm sure that those on the Right will continue to attempt to Gaslight the American people into believing racism isn't so bad here, that it was actually Antifa that stormed the Capitol on January 6th, and the Democrats stole the election. They are precisely doing that, and the sad thing is, 68% of the Republican party believes all those lies. Which is not terribly surprising when you realize how they've been fed a steady diet of lies and misinformation from the GOP and their Right-Wing media propaganda machine for about the last 33 years. Ever since Reagan got rid of the Fairness Doctrine in Broadcasting in 1987. What is the "Fairness in Broadcasting Doctrine" you ask? Well, I'm glad you asked. What it did was to establish two forms of regulation on broadcasters: 1. to provide adequate coverage of public issues, and 2. to ensure that coverage fairly represented opposing views. Getting rid of the Doctrine opened the door to one-sided journalism and the rise of AM conservative talk radio that was not required to broadcast any opposing views. The listener was fed a steady, daily diet of right-wing propaganda that could be presented as news to the consumers without the pesky bother of providing opposing viewpoints that might distract the growing and loyal audience. Enter Rush Limbaugh and Fox News. Which led to the likes of Glenn Beck, Ben Shapiro, Steven Crowder, Alex Jones, Laura Ingraham, Bill O'Reilly, Dennis Praeger, Tucker Carlson, and a host of other far-right conspiracy spewing "Trumplican" sycophants.  

They are, without a doubt, the two biggest entities that fomented the rise of the ever-increasing fascistic tendencies of the Right. Cloaked in outrage and directed at the perceived immorality, and big-government overreach from the "Crazy Libs", they have slowly chipped away at our American democracy as they come to the stark realization that their party is increasingly losing support because of their one-sided view of the power structure in this country. They've blindly worked so hard to hold on to power with their Jim Crow-like, voter suppression schemes and policies, that they refuse to see the damage they've caused. This is a generalization, but, conservatives don't seem to see problems in society until they or their family are directly affected. But even that is in question in these days of conspiracy theories and misinformation on social media. When I listen to the speeches from the Right, I hear fear-mongering demagogues telling scary campfire stories to a lot of scared, angry, white people that have been persuaded to believe lies about their fellow Americans, and whatever else they can think of to cling to power. 

The answers to our problems as a country will be dealt with one way or another. I just would rather it be in a responsible and equitable manner that considers all sides of the issues as opposed to the Republicans' "Head in the Sand" policies. Let's face the long-term issues that go far beyond the next quarterly profit report. Let's start thinking about the good of the people, not the corporations. Because contrary to the Supreme Court ruling, corporations are NOT people. 

I'm sure this has been said by countless others throughout human history, but we really are living through scary and precipitous times. Not just politically, but if we don't start to align our politics with the reality of the state of the planet we live on, then we might just be another in a long line of species that have died out on this blue-green speck of a mote on a sunbeam in the endless sea of the Universe. It's time we start making the civilization we ALL deserve, not just the privileged few.